In 2006, Will Bowen, lead minister at One Community Spiritual Centre in Kansas City, Missouri, challenged himself and his congregation to go 21 days without complaining, criticising or gossiping. Although a man of the cloth, Bowen conceived of the Complaint Free Challenge as a ‘nonreligious human transformation movement’

Bowen contends that when we change our words, we change our thoughts. And when we change our thoughts, we change our lives. Bowen realised that one key way we could change our words is by cutting down on our whingeing, moaning and complaining

“Complaining is focusing on what we don’t want,” Bowen states. “It’s talking about what’s wrong, and what we focus our attention on expands. So we want to help people eradicate complaining from their lives”

So Bowen designed the Challenge. He defined complaining as expressing discontent, pain or grief with how things are, and he devised a few simple rules for those who participated: Every participant would wear a purple rubber bracelet on their wrists. When a participant would catch themselves complaining, criticising or gossiping, they’d switch the bracelet to their other wrist and restart the 21-day count. Bowen made bracelets part of the Challenge so participants would have an easy visual reminder and a source of positive reinforcement

Fifteen million (yes, 15 million!) purple bracelets later, he’s gone a long way toward creating a complaint-free world. Bowen himself went through several bracelets on his own personal journey to give up grumbling. “I moved my bracelet so many times that I broke three of them before making it 21 consecutive days”

Moving Beyond Dissatisfaction

When Bowen started the 21-Day Complaint Free Challenge, he would get feedback like this email: “But every great thing in our country began with people complaining . . . think about Thomas Jefferson and Martin Luther King!”

Bowen realised that, in some respects, he agreed with the email writer. “The first step toward progress is dissatisfaction. But if we remain dissatisfied, we never move forward to brighter vistas,” he writes. “Were the great leaders of the United States also great complainers? I’d have to say no. These important men and women allowed dissatisfaction to drive them to great visions, and their passion for these visions inspired others to follow them”

Being complaint-free isn’t about pretending there aren’t any challenges in our lives or in the world. And Bowen acknowledges that the expression of pain and grief is necessary in the face of traumatic events

But he contends that most of the time, “such deeply painful experiences do not source our complaints,” and “things are not really bad enough to warrant expressing grief, pain or discontent.” Complaining is just “our default setting,” he says. “It’s what we do”

So when something is dissatisfying but doesn’t rise to the level of traumatic event, our goal is to recognise what’s wrong — and then focus on what we can do about it

Shutting Down the Complaint Factory

There are four stages to building competence in any area, notes Bowen. “In becoming a complaint-free person, you will go through each of them and, sorry, you can’t skip steps”

The first stage is Unconscious Incompetence, in which we aren’t even aware of the change we need to make or the skill we lack. Basically, we have no idea about how often we complain. Bowen notes that, ironically, many of the purple bracelet requests he receives come from people in this stage. “Please send me purple bracelets right away,” they write. “Everybody I know complains all the time”

This stage is followed by Conscious Incompetence, in which we become uncomfortably aware (conscious) of just how often we complain (are incompetent). And trust us, it’s a lot more often than you think. Even if you consider yourself a pretty positive person, you may be shocked at just how much you complain during the first several days of the Challenge. Most people give up during this phase because they feel overwhelmed, writes Bowen. He counsels that failing is inevitable at first, but it will get easier, and the payoff is worth the effort

The next stage is Conscious Competence. Here, Bowen explains, “you begin to be aware of everything you are saying. You are moving your bracelet far less frequently because you are very careful when you speak”

As you hit this stage, don’t worry if you struggle for words or don’t know how to replace habitual complaining with something else. Periods of silence are typical as you transition to less negative language. Lean into the silence, he suggests, and keep marking your progress

The final stage is Unconscious Competence. This is when you have literally rewired your brain such that you naturally show up Complaint Free. “You will find that your mind no longer produces the deluge of unhappy thoughts you used to live with. Because you are not speaking them, you have no outlet for them, and the complaint factory in your mind closes down”

The rules of the Challenge

1. Begin by wearing the bracelet on either wrist

2. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other wrist

3. If you hear someone else who is wearing a purple bracelet complain, it’s okay to point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm; BUT if you’re going to do this, you must move your bracelet first! Because you’re complaining about their complaining

4. Stay with it. It may take many months to reach 21 consecutive days. The average is 4 to 8 months

Less Griping, More Happiness

Invest the months it takes to develop the skill of complaint-free living, promises Bowen, and you’ll find that “you are a different person . . . a happier person.” And you’ll be joining millions of others who are committed to creating a happier, complaint-free world.

If you want to learn more about the Challenge or get your own bracelet, visit www.acomplaintfreeworld.org

Are you up for the challenge?